today, i was suppose to hang out with you. last night, i planned my saturday well; to have lunch and dinner with you, you suggested to catch a movie too, and then we'll lie in each others' arms under the skies and gaze at the stars,
but that. did not happen.
you know that i truly hate to rush about and you want me to meet you at 2 in the afternoon, "go according to plan", and then leave at 7 in the evening because you have a fucking shit to attend to? its okay if you tell me you have to leave at 7 the previous day or when you wake up but why the fuck did you only tell me when i was about to leave the house to meet you? and why can't we have eighteen chefs at tiong bahru for lunch and then head down to town to catch a movie? is it fucking 100 hours apart? and why did you only tell me you had to leave early when i said we'll catch our movie at orchard and now tiong bahru?
fuck you.
of all people, i choose to you. i have never felt so heartbroken before. it may be my fault at times but come on you can't always do this to me. I get so envious of girls who receive presents or surprises from their boyfriends..... because mine doesn't give me any. he does but only during special occasions. and sometimes the things you get me arent....fuck i suck at describing things i suck at speaking the inner me out. i mean most of the things you get me, my best friend can get them too. sometimes i think my friends get me better gifts. i know i sound so bitchy saying this but i am sorry...... cos if you appreciate me, then you should do things to make me happy. i never understand why you simply can not be like them........ why do you want me to be jealous. why would you even let the chance come by? if you truly cherish me and this relationship then do. something. move yo fucking ass and do something and prove to me that you REALLY love me. don't tell me "i love you" through a message and say "when i say i love you, i really love you". i know you do. cos i say that to you too, and i truly mean it. BUT do something. do something about it. PROVE TO ME THAT YOU LOVE ME. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO SOMETHING AND MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL? what the fuck is this..... why am i in such a plight. why am i always the only one giving you surprises, being the understanding one...being the one hurting all the time. "sometimes, we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."
i need a breather now.
i need my motivation to carry on with life....
i am feeling so heart broken as i type this. i keep crying. but i know i cant.
